Celebrating Happiness- Do You Do It? Lessons from The Chimp Paradox

Happiness is in fact a choice. And for the most part I have always thought that I WAS happy. I mean- it's one thing to be "happy" when things are going good. I think most of us have that part down pat. It's another thing to choose to be happy even when our outward reality looks like crap. And in the past few years, I certainly worked on THAT!! And pretty much feel like I have been doing a good job at being happy despite outward circumstances. 

Even with the ups and downs in life, there are those who CHOOSE to be happy among even the tough times; and these are the people I chose to emulate.

But the other day I read through the Chimp Paradox book and it dawned on me that maybe, just maybe, I was doing something wrong. Maybe I was missing a huge piece of this puzzle. This is a fantastic book that deals with our mindset. And more importantly, how we can take better control of our mindset!

You see, the book stated that pushing to do too much can actually push us to want even MORE "things" to bring about happiness. In other words, we focus so much on the goals, the end result and the "steps" to that ultimate goal; that we are essentially conditioning our minds to always WANT. So what happens is that when we finally do reach that "ultimate goal", we are UNABLE to truly have happiness with it. 

Consider this example from the book: 

An athlete who never celebrates the "smaller" accomplishments on the way up to getting that Gold medal, will likely not feel that happiness she is expecting when she does get the gold. She'll want to move to the next potential win.

When I read that, I realized that this was something I had been doing for a long time now. I never truly celebrated the moments in life that I should have. (All those stepping stones to that ultimate goal). When I got my Associates degree, I was happy on the inside. But, at the same time, I immediately began to focus on the next goal... the Bachelor's degree. And so on and so forth. Each time, I realized that I had never truly celebrated each accomplishment and allowed myself the experience of being and expressing happiness. And then when I finally reached that final goal, it wasn't quite as sweet as it could have been. 

So, from this point forward, I will allow myself to CELEBRATE the wins. I will bask in the FEELINGS of happiness with each success. And I challenge all of you to do the same! Forget being humble and not wanting to "brag"! Share your successes! Share your moments of happiness! And bask in that happiness for each of those precious moments in your life! 

Try this exercise from the book... I've added a few things to it!

Make a list of all the things in your life that you believe that you need to be happy. Next to this list, write down how you can bring those things into your life. Next you'll want to work that list. Bring those things into your reality. And finally- be sure to celebrate each success! 

Giving... a part of the manifesting process... But HOW to give when we got no $$$$!!!!

When we talk about manifesting what we want in our lives, we hear a lot about the act of clearing out clutter and giving to others. For many of us, the act of "giving" brings up immediate comments and feelings about "how can I possibly GIVE to others when I, myself, am in so much need??"

But, alas, everything we read or watch related to manifesting indicates that when we give we seem to be opening the doors for the universe to bring about "more" in our own lives. Giving is paramount. But let's get our heads out of the clouds and get real for a minute. How the heck does someone GIVE when they seem to have nothing TO give? 

Last week I put my "request" out to the universe. I asked that money just come to me and said "I am open to receiving" any and all money. And then nothing happened. Well, nothing miraculous anyway! In fact, what I got instead was a friend in NEED of some money! Well, even though I didn't have much to give, I sent some anyway. At this point, I had sort of forgotten that I had asked the universe to bring money TO me. I sent it without an expectation in return. And what I got was so much more than what I had sent. Just after that - I got a two month subscription for free. And the bigger (in my mind) thing that came about was that the following day I got an email that my Ad-Sense account had been approved again! 

There are a few people who know that this whole ad-sense thing and monetizing my YouTube videos has been a thorn in my side for the past six months at least! (Ever since YouTube changed their rules!) So, for me to get this email was a HUGE moment of gratitude and happiness!! 

You see, at first I didn't make the connection between the different incidents, because when you look at them on the surface, one doesn't have anything to do with the other. But, in the grand scheme of things, I believe that they ARE in fact interconnected. I honestly believe that the act of giving helped to open those doors to the others. 

But I do realize that it isn't always easy to give when it comes to money; especially when you're struggling to make ends meet. Trust me, I get that! So I wanted to talk about other ways we can give. Ways that are (maybe) a little more manageable when handing out cash isn't an option. 

1. Cleaning out a closet and donating what you don't need. It can be simply dropped off to the Goodwill OR you can make a post on Facebook (or Facebook Market) and offer it for FREE. Take it a step further and donate clothes to a transgender teen or young adult who may be struggling with other expenses. Or donate your "professional" looking suits to a charity that gives clothing to people just entering the workforce. 

2. Make something and give it away for free. Are you crafty? Have a specialty? Can you whip up a knitted hat and scarf set in no time? In the hospitals, the maternity wards always need hand knitted or crochet hats for the babies. And I'm pretty certain anyone who is homeless would love a hat, scarf or blanket in the cold weather. Maybe knitting isn't your thing- how about drawing or painting (if that's your thing) and donating your pieces somewhere. 

3. Offer to help someone with a task. I don't necessarily mean cleaning or yard work here. It could be something as simple as helping someone edit their blog post or showing someone how to set up a web page for their new business. 

4. Got some knowledge to share? Teach a quick workshop online or in person and offer it for free. Online can be done in a live video presentation or in a classroom platform such as Zoom. In person, can be done at your home or even at the local library. You can even offer to tutor kids at the local library. 

5. Send some energy healing out to someone! Maybe you know Reiki or some other form of energy work. Maybe you can just send out some loving pink light instead. 

6. Send a handwritten letter to someone in the military. We often forget how meaningful handwritten letters and cards can be. And as we go about our busy lives, we tend to neglect people we know who are serving our country. They may be busy too, but getting a quick letter from you may be just what they needed that day! (Don't know anyone? PM me... I got peeps!)

7. Send a letter to someone serving time in prison- if you know anyone! They are often VERY appreciative of letters! (Don't know anyone? PM me, I got these peeps too!)

8. Offer to babysit or elder-sit for a mom or dad who could use an hour or so of free time!

9. Got a truck? Offer to help someone who needs to move something or pick something up. (within your town/city). 

10. Have old towels you were going to toss? Bring them down to your local animal shelter or pound and donate them instead. Maybe grab an inexpensive bag of dog food on your way. While you're there, show some love to a few animals!

11. You know all those extra things we get in the mail? I'm talking about those little note pads and free things companies send in order to get a donation. My mom gets tons of Native American "God's Eyes", small/thin blankets from animal charities, and so much more. Why not gather all of those things together and donate them to a school, church or convalescent home? Or even a homeless shelter? 

12. Did you go through menopause? Or get some form of birth control where you no longer menstruate? Sounds super weird.... but I can tell you that tampons and pads are VERY hard to come by when you're a homeless woman! If you're not using them... DONATE them! 

When we really take a minute to look around - we have SO much more to give than we may initially think. I have seen the homes of people who live in other parts of the world and can tell you for a fact that we in the USA are truly blessed beyond measure. Anyone who has ever seen a stray dog or a homeless person sitting on the corner- has seen a NEED. 
When I look in my kitchen and see those crackers that I bought that I think taste like shit. Or the instant rice I got for convenience, and then realized I don't like the taste- I am looking at STUFF that someone else can use and that I can GIVE. I can go on and on with so many more examples!

What are some other ways we can GIVE without money? 

I encourage you to SHARE this post!!! 

Be Grateful for Struggles??

They say that the teacher will come when the student is ready. 

In retrospect, this always makes so much sense. But as we are going through our struggles we can often wonder why we had to wait so long!

For the past several months I have been struggling with my Adsense account! Now, to many people this may seem quite trivial! But to me, somehow, in some way, this was akin to a thorn in my side! With each denial, I struggled to figure out exactly what I was doing wrong. Each time, researching various topics and basically coming up against a brick wall. 

It wasn't until this recent time that I sat down to research some solutions that I discovered the need for various pages on the blog. Now, why on earth hadn't I noticed this in the past?? Was I not ready? It didn't make sense!

Or... is it possible that I needed to look at this from a different perspective? 

Maybe it isn't so much that I wasn't ready, but that I needed to go through the struggle in order to arrive at this exact point? The "teacher" or "expert" in this field came to me when I needed it in the form of the correct web page and information. Were the others that I had encountered prior to this simply "bad" or "un-usable"? Absolutely not! They also helped me on this leg of my journey, to grow, learn and realize smaller pieces of the puzzle. 

When I give readings, I share what I am seeing with my intuition/clairvoyance/etc. with my clients. Oftentimes, what I am seeing may not be what they are ready to hear. Someone may come to me seeking insight into a relationship that they so desperately want to come to fruition. Yet, the images I am seeing suggest that this isn't the case. The relationship won't last. And many times the client will not want to hear that information, and so it is presented in as gentle a way as possible. 

You see, in that case, the client is not ready to realize that the relationship will not blossom as they hope. My ego mind may believe wholeheartedly that it is in their best interest to realize this fact and move forward with their life. But spirit has a very different idea. The client needs to travel down this path in order to reach the next path in their journey. There are lessons and trials that she will need to work through during this part of the journey that will better prepare her for the next part. In this case, my job as "teacher" or "guide" is to help her gently navigate this part of her journey.  To help her to realize smaller pieces of the puzzle. 

This reminds me of something my mentor Alea Dawn has spoken about on many occasions. As we go through our various life paths and journeys, it's important to remember that even when we are dealing with what appears to be a struggle in our life, it may well be that this is a necessary part of our path to prepare us for what's ahead. And rather than curse and swear about our struggle... (as I so often do!), instead let us try to express gratitude and appreciation. That sounds absolutely crazy to ask anyone to express gratitude and appreciation for struggles! But, if we are looking at it from a different perspective: that this is preparing us for the next phase; then surely we can see that we should be grateful for the "training"! And quite possibly it will make the road that much smoother! 

I challenge you to try expressing gratitude when you're in the middle of a struggle! Whether something small and mundane or something a bit more serious and involved. Share in the comments below how the change in perspective has helped you on your journey! 

Do you stay PRESENT even in the UNCOMFORTABLE times of life??

I can remember being pregnant with my fifth child and one of the biggest "lessons" I learned from that time. As so many people who have had children know, when you are pregnant with your first child everything is so new and "unknown"... Then as you are pregnant with subsequent children, you really FEEL everything so much more. You feel those Braxton Hicks contractions more. You seem to feel everything MORE. 

Well, during the time I was pregnant with my fifth and last child, I went through a period during the final three months where I was just done! I can remember feeling as though if I could just take this heavy belly OFF for a little while and pack it away in a closet... just for some relief. I was quite large... rotund... heavy.... ;) and I was tired! 

As I was driving in the car one day the thought occurred to me... 'this is where you're meant to be right now'. It was a tough pill to swallow at the time when I was FEELING all of the discomforts of pregnancy so vividly! But I let myself simmer with that thought for a bit and started to have a lovely realization. Yes, this IS where I am meant to be at this moment in life. I am exactly where I needed to be. And I could lament the discomforts... OR I could savor them, knowing that I would never be here again. 

Through the remainder of that pregnancy, I revisited that thought many more times... including when I was in labor! And it was then that I began to train my mind to be more PRESENT in each moment. EVEN the moments that don't seem comfortable! I began to really apply this principle to every area of my life. The good times AND the not so good times!

I am here and I am present. This moment in time may not be one of the most comfortable moments, but I am here for a reason. It may be a lesson to learn. It may only be to experience the contrasts in life. But it is THE MOMENT that I am meant to be in at this time in this life. And I will FEEL all of the feelings that come with that moment. And I will allow myself to experience those feelings in their fullest, being grateful... and appreciative... that I am able to experience this moment so fully. And I will own them... if only for that moment; because, good or bad,  I know that the moment will not last forever! 

I challenge you to acknowledge the moment in time that you are experiencing right now! Allow yourself to be totally present in the moment! 

Check out my website for a ton of useful information and free videos! www.ravenhaze.com and while you're at it... let's connect on Facebook!! www.facebook.com/ravenhazehealingdivination

Manifesting and Acceptance... And how to screw that shit up!

As many of you know by now, I am a big believer in manifesting. By this I mean that I strongly believe in the power of positive affirmations, aligning your emotional experience and vibration to that which you desire to manifest in your life, and trusting in the universal response to acknowledge my desires and formulate them into my reality. 

Sounds totally crazy to anyone who isn't familiar with the whole manifesting process... but I've seen it work. Not just once, but many times over. And not just in others, but in my own life as well. 

Now, I've written about manifesting in the past and tried to explain the process in the easiest way I could at the time. I prefer that concepts... any concept... be broken down to the simplest format possible. In this way, it makes it easier for just about anyone to comprehend and master. 

Part of manifesting is using positive affirmations. But those alone will not get you what you desire. I can state every day that I have a million bucks, but that statement alone isn't going to cut it. I need to add substance. That substance is in the form of our emotions. I need to feel it. Feel what it WILL feel like when I have a million bucks. Feel it so deeply and so clearly that I KNOW that feeling and am comfortable with that feeling. And certainly we want to express gratitude to the universe for what we are manifesting... because we KNOW it IS coming. 

Now, as you simmer on that part of the manifestation process for a bit... let's take a look at some of the other parts. Some of the parts that can fuck up the whole process.....  
Because as much as I am able to manifest in my life... I am equally as good at fucking that shit up royally! 

The first way that I tend to screw up my manifestation is when I don't TRUST!
Let's look at this in this way... say I give someone a job to do... and then, before they are even finished, I take it back because maybe I feel like they aren't getting it done fast enough or maybe I'm just a control freak. Either way, I haven't even given them enough time to show me that they CAN get the job done! It's much the same with the universe. We have to trust that the universe CAN get that job done! And then give the universe TIME to actually do the work! 

The next big way to screw up the manifestation process is to allow FEAR to set in... Oh, not you, eh? Let's just see... 

How many times have you tried to manifest a loftier goal... only to have an option present itself that scared the shit out of you? Or... you've been working on manifesting something kind of lofty and an opportunity presented itself... and you went with it... following through... but all the while had this nagging sense of inadequacy and fear that kept creeping in?

It's said that there are really only two emotions: love and fear. And it's that fear that rears its ugly head in the form of anxiety, nervousness, shame, guilt and so many more of the "undesirable" emotions... 

It's so important that we face that fear, acknowledge it and push through it! "hey, fear... thanks for showing up... but you're not needed at the moment!" GTFO FEAR!!!

We can't deny it exists. But we can choose how we respond to it. And since it comes from within US... we can send it to the back seat! Now... even if you push through the fear... we can't let it linger even a little bit. Say you are going to do a TEDx talk. You realize the universe granted you this amazing opportunity! You've prepared for this and now the time has come. Of course fear decides to step up to the plate. Well, you know you're going to push through it and get on that stage anyway. BUT... if you let that fear linger even a bit... it could sabotage your whole speech! Your nerves and anxiety may show through in your words or your lack of enthusiasms. Because when you're focusing on fear... you aren't focusing on your objective. 

The third way we can screw up our manifestations is when we don't have a clear objective. Putting it out to the universe that you want a "good life" is too broad and too subjective. A good life to one person may be a simple cottage by the sea with a wood burning stove and herbs hanging from the ceiling. A good life to someone else may be more along the lines of a Mercedes in the driveway and a ten bedroom house. We need to explain a little bit more when it comes to manifesting. 

But, with that being said; we don't want to be SO specific that we limit the options that the universe has to bring us those desires!  If I wanted to manifest $5,000; I would have better luck simply trying to manifest that money without putting limitations on HOW that money is to come. In other words, I may choose to AVOID saying "I will manifest $5,000 from my job" because that would limit where that money comes from. 

What are some of the ways that YOU tend to mess up YOUR manifestation process? It's okay... you can share them here! Throw them in the comments below!

Don't forget to check out my web page at www.ravenhaze.com for some freebies and amazing deals on readings and healing classes! And be sure to connect with me on Facebook! (Raven Haze Fan Page) and (Raven Haze Group)

Signs, Signs, Everywhere there's signs!

I need a SIGN!!

We often ask for signs. We ask our deities to show us signs for things. We ask our spirit guides to show us a sign. We, as humans, seem to need to see "signs" of so many things. Signs of the future. Signs that we are on the right path. 

I do believe that spirit gives us these signs. But I also believe that we oftentimes neglect to notice the signs that we are given. 

Most recently, I have been meditating on a certain topic repeatedly. I am not sure why I do it repeatedly, especially after having been shown signs already. Maybe I am looking for more concrete direction? A step by step breakdown of what's to come. But, alas, spirit will not hold my hand and walk down my path for me. That feat of humanity, I must do on my own. Hence, I have had to be grateful for the signs I requested, despite not being necessarily HAPPY with them! 

My Recent Signs...

Lately, the signs for me have been continually saying "4 months". I have had the four month concept come up on four separate occasions over the weekend. Four months... Spring time.... March... and for someone who lives in this day and age, waiting four months is a bit of a challenge to be honest. 

The first sign came when I was analyzing a friends' dream in which there was a birdhouse. A birdhouse in your dream can signify quite a few different things, but one of the things it signifies is the springtime. (Spring in the USA is around March and April). The next sign came when my significant other was telling me about HIS dream. In his dream, he was dismayed that his college aged daughter had kept the heads of lettuce that he had given her for FOUR months! In his dream, he kept explaining to her that "that lettuce is four months old, you have to get rid of it!"  Then, the same sign came to me more directly; not once, but TWICE; in my own dreams- with my spirit guides repeatedly telling me "four months". 

But, four months for WHAT exactly? And you see, that's just the tricky thing about getting signs... they are often much like getting clues to a hidden treasure- cryptic to say the least! 

Of course, it stands to reason that the answer of "four months" is the answer to the issue I was meditating on. And, I can also tell you that four months just seems so far away! 

In contemplating this - it occurred to me that the reason for my anxiety about it being four months away, lied more with the anxiety of what I would be doing for the three months BEFORE that time. And as we know, all emotions really only stem from TWO emotions - fear and love. This anxiety was clearly the result of fear. A fear of the unknown that was to occur within the next three months leading up to that fourth month. 

Let's Take a Second Look Here....

But then I looked at it from a different angle. I looked at it from the eyes of my spirit guides who showed me that information. If I were them, having just given a message of HOPE to someone, I would feel as though they were ungrateful for that message if they continued to perseverate on the unknown three months prior, rather than revel in the beauty and knowledge of the prize that is coming in four months. 

Well, I certainly don't want to be ungrateful. It's bad enough I had to be told four times in four different ways! So, I am making a conscious choice to NOT constantly think about the next three months and instead to revel and be appreciative of what is to come in four months! Will it be easy? Absolutely not!!! Not for this worry-wort!! It will be a challenge for sure. But if my spirit guides were patient enough with me to keep repeating the sign; then I can be patient with them and trust that the universe has a plan; and trust that the path that I am on is going to work out... 

What signs have been coming YOUR way lately? Have you been able to discern what they mean?

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Grateful, Thankful, Appreciative...

"I am Grateful. I am Thankful. I am Appreciative."

Don't these words just mean the same thing?

So often I hear people say they are "thankful" especially around this time of year. This got me thinking about the differences in being thankful, grateful and appreciative. I know you're thinking- 'what's the point? Aren't they all just the same thing really?' 

Well, I don't think they ARE the same. When we talk about manifesting, we also talk about how important it is to express gratitude and appreciation. So, if both of THOSE terms are mentioned, it stands to reason that there must be differences; albeit subtle ones!

Some references will tell you that being grateful and being thankful are synonyms for each other. And in today's day and age, they are often used interchangeably for sure. However, if we really analyse the words, we can see that they do in fact have some differences. 

Generally speaking, being grateful is a noun. This is something that we ARE... and often after the act of being thankful - which is the adjective. So, in essence, when we express thanks for something, we then become more grateful.

The same concept holds true for the word appreciative. Many sources will indicate that being appreciative is a synonym for being grateful. Appreciative is an adjective as in "showing appreciation".  One can truly only show appreciation for something that they are both thankful for AND grateful for. To show appreciation is to recognize and realize internally, the beauty or value of the thing which you are speaking of. 

Can you be one without being the other?

I can be thankful for my job, but certainly not be grateful for it or even appreciate it. However, if I am grateful for my job, then it stands to reason that I am also thankful for it and had expressed that thankfulness at some point. But, alas, I still may not be appreciative of it! 

I may be thankful for the dinner being served on Thanksgiving, but that in no way would mean that I had taken the time to really appreciate the food that is going to sustain my body. 

And, I certainly know that come Christmas time, my young children are thankful for the presents they receive- but are they grateful? Have they really internalized how grateful they are to receive presents? And going further, are they appreciative of those presents and what it may have taken in order to get them under the tree? Since many Christmas presents (toys in particular) become forgotten or stuffed away somewhere only a week or so after the holiday, I would have to say that gratefulness and appreciation are quite probably not in the mix!

So, what is the answer?

So, after much research into this I have come to the following conclusion: (particularly in regards to putting these concepts into action with the Law of Attraction and manifestation in our lives). 

I believe that the first step is to be grateful. This means that we need to really FEEL that feeling of thankfulness. Internalize it.  We start with a feeling of being grateful for what is before us. I believe this involves our senses in a way. So, we look at our home and realize we are grateful for having a roof over our heads. We hear our children and realize we are grateful for having people in our lives who love us. We smell the food cooking on the stove and realize that we are grateful for that food. And only then do we turn that inward feeling into an outward expression. When I am grateful for (the job, the person, etc.) I then express thanks to the universe for that thing and am able to realize more fully just HOW thankful I truly am. 

This brings us to being thankful. Being thankful is an outward expression of the feeling of gratefulness.  Whether that be to an individual, entity or even just putting it out to the universe. I believe that thankfulness is that outward expression. It is when we say to someone "Thank you" (for being there, for this job, etc. etc.). It is important to express this thankfulness regardless of circumstance when we want to manifest in our life. You may hate your job! But, there must be SOME aspect of that job that you are thankful for- even if it is ONLY that you get a paycheck every week. No matter what it is, express thanks for it. Verbalize it. Put it "out there" to the universe, God, the Goddess, your guides, whoever you choose. The important thing is that you express it. Sort of like saying an affirmation. In this step you are simply saying it. But, that alone will mean nothing until we move on to the other part.

Finally, we must have appreciation. Much like when one is looking at a piece of artwork, we must really feel how this gratitude we have impacts our lives. Once we have had that feeling of gratefulness and then taken the time to express it outwardly with thankfulness; we need to then simmer in that feeling so much so that it creates such an intense appreciation for it. To really appreciate it as one would appreciate great artwork, is the true meaning of this step. Realizing, acknowledging and understanding that your world and your life is a better place because of that thing which you are appreciating. 

I challenge you to mindfully take each of these words and make them real in your own life! As we spend time with families, friends and loved ones this season; take a moment to feel the gratefulness within you. Express the thankfulness and then take time to simmer in it and really appreciate it. Find something, ANYTHING, in your life that you feel gratitude towards. As you do this, I am certain that your life will be more abundant for it! Take a moment to share in the comments below some of the things in YOUR life that you are grateful for, express thanks for, and appreciate fully. 

~ Raven Haze Healing and Divination

Find me on the web at www.ravenhaze.com and on Facebook at Raven Haze Healing & Divination as well as my GROUP at Raven Haze Group